Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
