Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
