I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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