before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
