I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
