I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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