note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
