would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
