girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
