While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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