One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
