In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
