my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
