Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
