next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
