Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
thus making me awesome and them whores
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
