youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
