I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
