Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
