Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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