Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
