Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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