So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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