dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
