True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
