oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
how drunk are you?
Several
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
