do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
