haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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