2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
