is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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