honey bunches of taint.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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