His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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