Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
