Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
