he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
