Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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