I am in a vortex of obligation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
