youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
