I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
