either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
