I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
