Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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