MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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