...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
