Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
