I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
two words...techno handjob
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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