Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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