I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
