so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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