also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
